I grew up outside of Cleveland Ohio near a NASA center. Normally I wouldn't have thought anything of this but since I started recieving counseling for a chmical dependancy issue, I have learned that there is a 2 year period of my life ( mid teens ) that I have no recollection of at all. I have yearbooks with pictures, but looking back I cannot remember them ever being taken.

I was placed in a short term treatment facility for adolescents with drug issues when I was 16 ( the periods with no memory are from about 6 months after that to about 18 ). At first I was brushed off as just being a druggie, but I have always felt the issues are deeper than that.

I get very anxious when I am away from the open water. I have a tendency to count how many people are in a room and where they are standing as soon as I enter. I find my persona shifting depending on social situations to a degree that some others find disturbing. These may seem like normal things, they may even border on paraoia but when I also factor in my memory loss, I have no other explanation. At first, I thought in my search for an answer, I was creating one to fit the purpose. My headaches, the ringing in my ears, the pitch of certain voices that made me feel very anxious almost hostile. Then the dreams started. They are always variations of the same theme, but the similarities exist. A runway, an institutional style building, lots of water.

My friends tell me that I have the 'best worst luck'. Things seem to always be on the dark side for me, but they usually turn out good. It would appear that probability favors me in strange times.

Does anyone have any information on probability manipulation and recording effects? I have read a few articles on this subject and have a times wondered just what could be happening

Received 08-04-2004