Many years and such an uphill battle!

It started back in 2001. I'm 22 years old 23 real soon. I started researching information on goverment conspiracies and such; ex. UFO's, JFK, Chemtrails, Biological Weapons.

In my studies I found things much deeper, such as MKUltra, Acid Testing, them ESP, Remote Veiwing, and more. When this all started I was researching mostly on the internet.

Well one day in my research, me being kind of a internet professional, I have all kinds of firewalls things such as that, even at one time considered myself a hacker. We'll I had a hack attempt on my computer. Well with the firewall and some other software I have I did a TRACE. With that trace I can also get satellite photographs of the coordinates; ex: (NS,EW), linked to IP addresses.

Well I traced came back as directly from the White House, Pentagon, Bejing China, and Mexico City. The foreign countries satellite images are not available however. I got very involved in this.

Studying and researching constantly what the hell was going on. At the time my life started to go to crap; ex: extreme depression, NO motivation, and especially no hope. And it's especially weird the way I fell away from any interest in the subject.

I took the test on this sight and my biggest is things people say, almost seems as if my mind is being read, bringing me very deep in depression. Also, ringing in my ears, extremely real dreams of torture. I have turned into an extreme alchoholic, and feel as if sometimes my own thoughts put me in danger.

Meaning there is some type of ESP messages being transmitted to my censory nerve in my brain. Basically like a third eye sense. I have extremely weird thoughts about myself often bringing on depression and delusions. Often the thoughts I feel are not even my own, but there to take me to a dream land state in which all focus and motivation is lost.

I am not stupid, graduated high school with a 3.8 GPA, sterling scholar in information technology, member of national honor society. High school was before all this however. I did attempt to go to college twice, found myself too distracted with my thought to be able to succed however.

Now it is 2004 and I don't know what has happened with my life in the last four years but crap and torture. A big problem is paranoia now. I feel like all that is around me is bad, people, sounds, sight, smell for example. I know it's not real like one HUGE Delusion. What do I do. I guess I'll fight every day for success. I ain't saying this has anything to do with any such goverment or society. But something is doing this and it's not me. If anyone would like to email thoughts to me or share things feel free.


Received 08-17-2004