Brennan Higgins

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My name is Brennan Higgins and I've been experiencing this for a few years. I'm going to try and summarize my story. I'm twenty one and I live at 77 Embury Ave. Ocean Grove, New Jersey, I've never talked to anyone about what has happened to me and been believed.

Since the beginning I've been trying to figure out what it was and the whole time its has changed. I discovered wbai radio station after 9/11 because it was noncommercial and I couldn't take any more propaganda. The antenna on my radio was broken so I attached a guitar string to it to get better reception. My memory is funny {I don't believe they can effect your memory, maybe distract you from remembering} so I don't know which came first but in that night I began to hear static in my left ear and communicating with the voice on the radio. At the time I was under the impression that I opened up something in my ear (later I was told it was my inner ear) by putting the guitar string to my head. I don't remember the exact words but I was under the impression that the DJ was hearing my thoughts but he was under the impression he was having a religious experience. I think whoever it is was listening because I believed our government was directly responsible for the murder of its own citizens in New York.

I continued believing I was talking with wbai for a long time and still think it might be possible having learned they have one of the machines. I heard my brother's voice outside my window continuously shouting I love you but I hate you, which led me to wonder if I was some kind of psychic hearing some unconscious emotional message.

Also around the same time I started listening to static on the radio and hearing voices there, I tried to learn how to communicate better and find out what this was, they told me they didn't know either, a common theme at the beginning was women in the same situation needing my help, I started to hear a women screaming to me desperately outside my window but other voices told me not to talk to her. One night I was visited in my bathroom and the voices told me to open my mind to the possibility I was hearing their thoughts with my mind, communication was still difficult and I told them id practice, that was one of two times the voices floated in thin air. Oh I left out that when I started hearing voices out my window I thought it was the CIA but I stayed open minded, they told me I was being watched and they were gonna kill me, I got into a fight with a male voice who said he was coming to kill me and I waited on my porch with a knife.

They told me everybody knows except me and I was waking up, for awhile I thought it might be collective conscience, they told me it was kept a secret until you fell in love and I never fell in love and then wbai felt bad and woke me up or I accidentally woke myself up, wbai also told me not to tell anyone it was them, I'm not doing the story justice it was incredible, I started talking to neighbor of mine in our imaginations and I fell in love with her, I spent so much time desperately trying to practice hearing her in my inner ear and clearing my thoughts, I was totally devoted and constantly frustrated, we tried to meet many times and she was never there , I was miserable and wanted to talk to her but they said we had to keep it a secret, I went over and asked for her anyway and her mother said she was away at school , then the voices told me I should go and ask again, I forget why but I was emotionally wrecked and did ask again leading her mother to believe I was on drugs, it was always miserable , she told me she was cheating on me because it was her and her mothers belief that all women cheat, I went into a kind of catatonic blank state and wanted to kill myself , she told me she wanted to get off and look good in front of her girlfriends ( oh , for some reason they told me women learned how to do this earlier then men so they could give them something beautiful when they fell in love) she tormented me by making me listen to her give some people we both knew oral sex.

I'm leaving out a lot of details it was always changing, at one time they told me all woman were manipulators and that my mother was being manipulated by her lesbian partner and she was completely brainwashed and suppressed, they hurt me with lots of possibilities saying she was unaware of her manipulation and saying she let her manipulate my whole family for money.

I was worried for my family so I turned to my brother and tried to explain the whole thing going back to the beginning, it was frustrating trying to find the way to convince him we needed help from an expert, I ended up in a psychiatric ward for awhile, my mother hasn't stopped worrying about me since, after that I told her it went away, one time they told me I was listening to my mother in her sleep while she was being programmed and they made her repeat something over and over like she was a zombie and I had interfered and if she woke up shed have a heart attack, for awhile at the beginning it was all worst possibilities, throughout the whole trip they tried to push philosophies on me I didn't believe in but went along with for the girl I loved, throughout the whole thing I continued my self education, before I started hearing these voices I arrived at some simple conclusions that might help other people with this problem , I control my own perspective , I can use my perspective to appreciate life , I told myself this in high school when I stopped doing my work I knew it was because I didn't need money or a good job or anything to be happy , everybody's ignorant because no one knows everything , also everyone's always learning, we live in a world of infinite possibilities and our minds have infinite potential , keep the right perspective , every thought you think is impulsive so don't let them judge you , they often try to tell me its fear when I'm aware of ugly possibilities ,I'm not sure if its a computer or people I'm hearing, I think its probably both but if its people they have to listen to your every thought and its you that has control over them , make them say and think whatever you want them to , I tell them to picture their grandmothers naked or I tell them to focus on their mouths and put shit in their with there imaginations. Open your mind to the possibilities. I know even if its a computer theirs probably someone monitoring it. I think they talk when we are aware that they are their and I'm gonna practice thinking alone again, it could be hard because my thoughts are impulsive and I might be aware of an ugly possible perception but their are infinite possible perceptions and I can ignore if I want or enlighten them, or punish them.

I'll write in more later, I don't have an email address right now but I'm interested in communicating and I definitely want to be involved in the legal movement when it happens, my phone number is 732 774 4797, I'd be happy to talk to anyone that has experienced this or has knowledge of it. I read some of the letters on this site and I thought to myself possibly someone is just trying to scare people into thinking this machine can do things it can't, trying to give people the impression they haven't had it so bad and maybe they shouldn't rock the boat, awareness of a possibility, I had the thought last night that dreams are made of memories and maybe if I'm aware that I'm dreaming I can access my memory better, has anyone ever noticed the sounds or voices get louder right before you fall asleep?

Received 09-12-2004