I am a hypno-programmed govermnent sex slave/assassin. They have been programming me from birth under the guise of "psychiatry". These people have abused me in a satanic cult which worships Norse "master race" gods and told us if we died in battle (being "super soldiers") we would go to Valhalla. The programming was fight club-esque but if I give out names of handlers/masters I will be killed. I really want to be deprogrammed. Seems everyone I get into a relationship with is a master or another slave. Someone help me I just need to talk to others like me!
I come from a family on one side of blonde/blue french/germans (Alcase/Lorraine). Both children are blonde/green. Those who have kept me are intent on perpetuating their "master race". They are using me to breed them.
I have also been withheld food/water by previous "god" I am now divorcing. He had total control of my mind., I was not allowed toilet privileges (in psychiatric hospital "rubber room":)(which I was told by Mental Health Center I broke out of by pulling the bricks out of the wall, however if I ever confront these people with these abuses they call me crazy and say it never happened and use it as an excuse to put me on antipsychotics.)
The have molotov coctailed 2 residences I lived in, set one on fire, and sprayed bullets at another. I no longer fear death. I was an abused child slapped around since birth. Mom still insists I was born "wrong" and was mentally ill and incorrigible from birth. Testing started in utero. Mother's ob-gyn is in same building as mental health center that has tortured me w/ mental abuse, threats of committment to sanitariums for 2 years if I wont take their experimental drugs or let them shock me.
I was severely beaten in "The Family" (cult) to near death experiences. Sexual abuse started as a child and my mother encouraged my sexual behavior as a teen by putting me on birth control @ age 13.
I became sexually active with older men at age 12 especially those involved with "The Golden Dawn" etc. or children of families w/ Masonic Temple links (My soon-to-be-ex-husband's father was a high- ranking Mason and his mother was a blonde/blue Austrian Jew. Since the programming by the family I have not been able to be in a relationship which did not involve control/domination/manipulation/abuse.
I go to a Domestic Violence support group but I have a hard time being alone and breaking out of the master habit. The abusive men like to accuse me of being a bad mother and report to Social Service agencies that I have Dissociative Identity Disorder and I don't take my antidepressants (which I do)because they know and play on my worst fears by gaining my trust (rule #1: trust no one, that's what the family taught me) and using all gathered intelligence about my deepest fears and insecurities (which I share because I need to get over them to ever deprogram) to harrass, stalk and terrorize me. It's like having 2 personal demons haunting you at once.
My mother used to use those psych warfare tactics on me..... The worst part is a part of me fights my quest to have someone deprogram me. It wants to be a government assassin. I still train every chance I get in martial arts and soon I will be doing weapons training as soon as my handler says its ok. If anyone knows how 2 deprogram and wants to help my 16 month old and I lead a normal life please help.