My name is Sammi and I believe that much of what I once believed to real, to be my childhood is all a lie. I'll give some background here so others might understand what I am getting at. I don't have many memories of my childhood, very few. The ones I have retained all are associated with pain, now I wonder if those memories are even real.

I grew up in a Jehovah Witness household, my father was never really into it except to satisfy my mother. She on the other hand was a zealot. As a small child I never bought it, i actually had a real loathing for this god they called Jehovah. Reading the bible didn't help how I viewed him, what a jealous and mean spirited god I often thought. Always asking questions to the elders who often dismissed me as strange, weird and rebellious. I have had many impossible experiences as a child up until now and I can't explain it. I have been to psychotherapy and seen a psychiatrist who gave me medication. Let me tell you that stuff is poison.

Here are some of my memories from childhood that don't make much sense to even me but i assure you that they did happen somehow.

1.I'm not sure how old I was but I remember going to the show with my parents, though i can't remember what we saw together. I remember my parents in line at the concession stand and me looking to my left only to see a theater door that everyone was ignoring. As if they didn't see it, so I wandered away from my parents and opened the door. It was empty, there was a light on but no movie or people in the seats. It looked like they were fixing it up. I saw wisps of smoke and a man was on the stage (now over the years this man has been in a few of my most vivid dreams. He was dressed very nice, in a black suit with black hair and blue eyes. He didn't scare me just fascinated me. I approached him, then I saw that he had a black panther by his side. I wasn't afraid because it stayed right next to this man the whole time. He spoke to me briefly though i can't recall much of our conversation, but I felt very drawn to him. He hugged me and cuddled me, i remember him saying he would be watching me to make sure I was ok. I liked that, that I was being taken care of. I recall telling him bye and walking out the door. My parents were still in line and when I turned my back to look at the door again, I saw that it was chained up and there were cardboard movie advertisements in front of it. I remember being very confused, my mom called me to her because they had gotten our snacks. i don't remember anything else of that night. I often wondered if i had imagined or dremaed it up.

2. When i was about 9 or so I had a friend spend the night named Eva Blanco (her grandmother was a known practioner of Santeria as my great grandmother, i'm not sure if this anything to do with this experience, but i know she wasn't allowed to see her because her family were also was Jehovah Witness). Anyways, as a child my father always watched horror movies with me, we would rent them and watch them. I was drawn to the occult as a little child, my mother said I frightened her because it all came natural to me. Anyways, I had for the first time seen part of the exorcist. Now as a child this film freaked me out because as a Witness the emphasis placed on Satan & his demons was great. Me and my brother had a bunk bed and this night he slept with my parents so me and my Eva could have our slumber party. We'll me and Eva were talking and she got real tired all of a sudden and feel asleep so I got on the bottom bunk and tried to sleep. I always slept with the light on as a child and this night was no excpetion. Then I started to see a shadow of a figure in the hallway calling my name over and over again. I remember the fright I felt, I started chanting Jehovah's name and repeating the one bible passage I had memorized, 1 John 4:8 :"He that does not know love, does not know god, because god is love". I could see the figure's shadow and it was not entirely human I don't think. It kept calling me and the sound was so intense, right in the core of my ears yet it was in the hallway and not near me. It wanted me to go to the living room and i knew that if i did i would never come back home. So I gathered my courage and waited till it quited down and I ran like the dickens across the hallway to my parents room and jumped in the middle of them. right then I heard it starting to spea to me again, which i started shaking my mom and hitting my dad but they didn't wake up, even my lil brother who slept in the footsies of the bed didn't wake up. It was one of the scariest nights, but not the last by a long shot. Till this day I have no idea if this was a spirit, demon or alien maybe. My parents claimed they didn't feel me hitting them even though i did.

3. I have an uncle Neecho who is a schizo, and became so after his stint in Vietnam. The only time I ever was allowed around him without the supervision of my parents was when he took me and his children to Disneyland. I don't remember much of this trip, I was about 9, but I have pictures to prove to myself that I went with him and his family. The only memory is that we were passing by the Alice in Wonderland ride and I started to wander off to get in line, i really very badly wanted to get on this ride, but he grabbed me by my ear hard and i remember being embaressed and crying because he hurt my ear when he twisted it. Other than that i would never had remembered ever going with him and his family to Disneyland. Kind of odd, the greatest place on earth and i can't recall any of that trip but that sliver of it. My uncle was so crazy that he believed the government was trying to kill him it got to the point that he would have his kids and wife taste his food because he believed it to be poisoned. He was in and out of mental hospitals, why would my parents let me go with him?

These are a few of my many other experiences from dreams, OBE, communications with entities, and freaky occurances that have plagued me my whole life.

I meet an author named Kayla Pajeon when I ranaway from home at 16 who was a witch that I found while trying to look for a cat to adopt. She turned me onto witchcraft and I have been a witch for over 11 years and have a son named Loki (after the trickster god). He is only 3 and he is a giant, i mean he's over 4 feet tall and so very strong. My one friend who is into Summerian Mythology and believes we were created by genetic manipulation by the Annunaki told me "you named him after a god who was a giant, what do you expect" and i guess he's right. I would love to talk to anyone who has had any kind of similar experiences because i am a bit scared of all this. Oh and I have a birthmark that is on my right ankle that when I rub it disappers and then reappears. many of my occult friends and teachers call it my "witches mark". My son has one on his lower back. anyways, please help me figure out what the hell is going on. any suggestions would help.

Received 10-14-2004